Outlier frequency

I'm sick of this.

I'm sick of me trying so hard to understand how other people feel and think but nobody returning the favor.

Maybe it's my fault, by doing so I misled then into thinking I'm just like them. That I'm just like a Normal. But if I be myself and be shunned by the Normals it's my fault too!

I knew my message has sounded harsh. But I expected her, one of my closer friends, to understand.

But when she didn't, it brought everything to light. No, it has been this way for a long time, but I tried to ignore it, to excuse it, because she was my friend.

I lost a close friend today.

It hurt more than I wanted it to.

I'm sick and tired of this. I really have no goal or desire to stay on this planet.

It's not you. It's me.

Goodbye.

Home is where the heart is

I always wonder if there's something wrong with me. Maybe it's all the time I've moved house over the years. Maybe it's me not staying in any place for more than two years at a time. Maybe it's because as I grow older the time I stay at one place also proportionately becomes less as years go by.

Two years.

One year.

Half a year.

Three months.

Two months.

Even at my younger years I never spent too much time at home.

Due to circumstances I spent most of my time at school, going home only to sleep.

Is that why I treat the house as a hotel?

Is that why I do not, and have never missed home?

Just a thought as I look at all the posts on FB, ask these people who miss home, all these people who have never celebrated their new year away from family, in a foreign country.

Not to boast, but I've experienced this a few times already.

So the point of this is, am I a bad person for not missing home? For not missing family?

The only time I missed home is when I had my heart somewhere else. But now that my heart is back with me, albeit beaten and bruised, I feel nothing.

I am home.

Karma

People say to be reborn as a human being you would have to have accumulated many good deeds to redeem yourself, to deserve to be reborn as a human.

Or else you would be punished and be cast into animals.

But is that true?

Think of it. Really think of it.

Be reborn as a human, and you have to go through trials, be bullied, have difficult choices and etc. Worse still if you were born into poor conditions like war, or poverty.

In any case, good or bad, you as a human would have to live 60 over years and you had to tolerate everything for that and more.

But. If you were born an animal, you'd be waited on hand and feet, be well fed, no worries because someone else was there to worry for you.

Then, if you were porn in poor conditions, you would die quickly and have another chance at the lottery. To be reborn in good conditions.

If you were in the same condition as a human being, you would have to suffer no matter what.

So it is my opinion that to be reborn has a human being is a punishment. It is just human ego in denial, thinking they are right.

No wonder there are some that revert to bring animals.

Home

Home is where the heart is.

It is not a place.

There has never been a place where I could leave my heart for long. As a result it has stayed with me for the most of my life.

The reason why I never miss where I was born.

The reason why I never miss places I've stayed.

The reason why I don't look back.

I just never has the reason to.

I think my journey is to find a place I belong. A place I can leave my heart with.

Home.

The Darkness Beyond

It is quiet. All is dark.

I thought I had found stability a week ago but it was for naught. It was but just a fleeting dream. One which, in hindsight, I had better not indulge in.

The work was hard and the hours short, the pay was then not worth my time were I stayed for the long term.

Getting laid off was a good thing, then. As they say a door closes and many others open. In my case I feel as if I was forced out a door which slammed behind me and into a dark corridor, where the only lights I could see are from the gaps in the numerous doors, but I had to knock on each one by one, then wait and see if they would open to me.

I had to wonder how long do I wait at each door?

What if while waiting for this door that never opens, some door down the road does and I miss it?

The corridor is long and dark and I can only see the faint light of so many doors at a time.